Puberty Panic
by wolfgirlnowandforever
Summary: Karen's in a crisis. Kenny is completely clueless. And that feminine hygiene aisle is intimidating.


**A/N:** Just a little Kenny-trying-to-be-a-good-big-brother fic :) If anybody's wondering about my oneshots collection, I have a few things written and I just need to edit them. In the mean time, I hope you'll enjoy this!

* * *

Waking up to the sound of someone screaming wasn't exactly uncommon in the McCormick household, but when the screams were in Karen's voice, Kenny never hesitated to jump out of bed, no matter how good his dream had been. And this morning was no exception.

"Karen? Karen, what's wrong?" He called, running out of the room he shared with Kevin to the little alcove that served as Karen's bedroom. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw her sitting up in her bed, crying and surrounded by a pool of her own blood.

She turned her tear stained face towards him, holding out her bloodied hands. She looked terrified as she attempted to speak. "K-Kenny, I think I'm dying!"

He took a shaky step towards her, feeling his stomach twisting in knots. There was so much blood, all over her clothes and around her bed sheets, about as much as when he died bleeding out. He swallowed a lump in his throat and tried to sound reassuring. "D-Don't worry, Karen. Everything… everything's going to be okay."

"My stomach hurts really bad." She whimpered, her voice coming out so small. Her red-rimmed eyes leaked more tears. "I don't want to die, Kenny."

Kenny felt like he was falling apart. Just a few minutes ago, he had been having one of the best dreams he'd ever had. Now he was watching his little sister bleeding to death and there wasn't a damn thing he could do to stop it! He couldn't make sense of it. He tried taking a deep breath to calm himself down, but it didn't help much.

"Where are you bleeding from, Karen?" He asked, thinking that if he knew where she was hurt, maybe he could stop the bleeding and save her. He really hoped it was possible.

"From between m-my legs." She hiccupped. "I can f-feel the blood still coming out!"

"From between your legs?" He asked. The panic rising in his chest paused for a moment, finally letting him think straight. "Are you sure?"

She nodded, a wail escaping her throat. "I'm scared a-and it hurts and I want mom!"

"Karen calm down and listen to me." He said, kneeling down in front of her. He waited until she was looking at him before continuing. "Did you say it was your stomach that hurt before?"

"Y-Yeah." She said, swallowing back a sob. "Why does that matter?"

"Are you cut anywhere?" He asked, ignoring her question. He needed to make sure.

She shook her head. "No. Why?"

He breathed a sigh of relief. "Karen, I don't think you're dying."

"Really?" She asked, her blue eyes widening with hope.

He nodded, glad that it wasn't anything too serious. "I think you're just having your period."

"My period?" She asked, looking confused. Well of course she was confused, she'd never had it before! She scrunched her eyebrows together. "How can you be so sure?"

"I just heard about it in school a couple of years ago, don't worry about it." He said, deciding not to mention that he had walked out of the guy's puberty lecture (he knew everything there was about his own body, thank you) to sneak into the girl's puberty lecture. "I really don't think you're going to die."

"Oh." She wiped her eyes with the (not bloodied) back of her hand. She trusted him enough that just hearing him say that stopped her tears. "So what do I do now?"

"Uh…" An all new worry started bubbling up inside him. He had no idea what to do now. Their mom was out for the day, at her part time job at the Olive Garden, Kevin was who knows where, and their dad would only make this situation worse, not better. It looked like the only person who could help Karen through this was him.

This was going to suck for the both of them.

"Okay first of all, you should, uh… clean all this blood off." He said, deciding to deal with the first part of the problem. "Go into the bathroom and take a shower okay?"

"Okay. But what about my sheets?" She asked, motioning to them.

"I'll put them in the washing machine." Kenny said, helping her out of bed. He winced at the amount of blood on her. It was scary as hell, knowing someone could bleed so much and yet still be okay. "Just get in the shower and find some of mom's tampons."

"Tampons?" Karen asked, stopping short. "What are those?"

Kenny blinked. "You don't know?"

She shook her head.

Well this was a hell of a lot worse. "Didn't they teach you that in health class, Karen?"

"No, we don't get Health until ninth grade. And I was home sick the day that lady came to talk about puberty." She said, looking down sadly. "I'm clueless when it comes to this stuff."

Kenny resisted the urge to groan. He had to be the voice of reason here. "It's okay, I'll help you out as best as I can, okay? When you're in the bathroom, look for a box under the sink. Or in the cabinet, I don't know where she keeps them. Use one of those when you finish cleaning the blood off."

"Okay." She said, and walked out of the room.

Kenny let out a long, drawn out sigh. That was nuts, having to be his little sister's guide through puberty. He'd handled it pretty well though. At least, he thought he did. For a guy who had such limited knowledge, he hadn't totally messed it up, right?

He went to her bed and removed her sheets, careful not to touch the blood more than he had to. There wasn't any blood on her mattress, thank god. He did not want to be cleaning that up too.

He'd bled to death enough times to know how to get rid of the stains. He used the stain remover first, before throwing the sheets into the run down (but still more or less fully functioning) washing machine and tossed in a generous amount of detergent before starting the thing up. It took a couple of minutes to warm up, but pretty soon it was running right and humming away.

Kenny stepped back and admired his handy work. Not bad, not bad at all. Now that the drama was over, maybe he could get back to sleep and—

"Kenny?" Karen called from the bathroom. She sounded upset.

No, of course the drama wasn't over. He sighed and went over to where she was. The bathroom door was closed, but he couldn't hear the water wasn't running yet. He leaned against the door. "What is it, Karen?"

"I found a box that it says tampons on it." She said. "It's full of these slender tube things, but I don't know how they work."

Kenny could feel the panic rising in his chest again. "Doesn't it say on the box?"

There was a pause, probably her searching the box for information. He heard her gasp and then cry out, "It says I have to put them inside me?!"

"What?" He asked, turning the knob to go in. It took him a second to realize that it was locked. "What does that mean?"

"I don't know!" Karen wailed. She sounded like she was crying again. "Kenny, I can't do that! It'll hurt a-and what if it takes my virginity, a-and then… and then…!"

"Calm down, kid." He said, wanting to just take the pain and fear she was feeling away. He took a deep breath, to calm himself down. "You just take a long shower while I go to the drug store and find someone to ask about this stuff, okay?"

"You're leaving?" She asked, her voice going higher in fear.

"I won't be gone long, I promise." He said, tapping on the door. "You hear me? I'll go there really quick and be back before you even miss me."

He heard her sniff. "Okay."

He smiled, though she couldn't see it. "That's my girl."

/

He had no idea what he was looking at.

The drug store had nearly a whole aisle full of 'feminine hygiene products' each item different from the next. There were boxes of tampons and pads, shelf after shelf of the things… he lost count of the number of brands there were. Did girls really need so many different things?

There wasn't anyone that could help him nearby. The male clerk just stared at him when he asked if he knew anything about how tampons worked, and pointed him in this direction. He was on his own here, and he had no idea what to do. He wished he remembered to bring his cell phone. Then at least he could call his mom or maybe one of his ex-girlfriends if he was really desperate.

He got down on his knees, among the products that confused him so, pressed his hands together and started praying. He didn't care what he must have looked like, he needed help. _Dear lord, _he started, S_end me someone, anyone, to help me and my little sister. This is all I'm asking for, come on dude. Please and thank you, amen._

Kenny waited a few moment before giving up. God rarely helped him out, except for when he could save the world for the big guy, so what were the chances that praying would accomplish anything now?

"Okay, okay, I got it, Wendy! I'm in the store now." Stan's voice said, coming from the front of the store. Kenny quickly looked up and nearly collapsed with relief. There was Stan, looking agitated while talking on the phone, with a pouting Kyle at his side. His friends! They could help him. Stan was even talking to Wendy, it was perfect. He opened his mouth to greet them when Stan winced and ended the call.

"That didn't sound good." Kyle commented, coolly raising an eyebrow.

Stan ran a hand through his hair. "She's just sensitive today." He said.

"Hey guys!" Kenny said, waving them over. They looked surprised to see him, probably because it was before noon on a weekend. He was rarely up at this hour.

"Hey dude." Stan greeted. Kyle nodded but didn't say anything, still looking upset. "What are you doing up?"

"It's a long story." Kenny said, shaking his head. "Short answer: I need someone to tell me about tampons and shit."

"Why?" Stan asked, frowning. "If has something to do with your sex life, I don't want to hear about it."

Kenny would have hit him, but he didn't dare risk alienating the only possibility help he had. "It's for Karen. She started her period this morning, and I was the only one around who could help her."

"Poor Karen." Kyle muttered, sounding less than sympathetic.

Stan shot him a look before turning back to Kenny. "Same with Wendy. She just called me this morning to pick her up some tampons."

"Ruining our video game tournament." Kyle mumbled, low enough that Kenny only just barely heard him.

"That's perfect!" Kenny said, relief flooding through him. "Can you call her back so that I can ask her about what to do for Karen?"

Stan laughed nervously. "Well, I would but… did you see the way she hung up on me?"

"Yeah?" Kenny asked, feeling the relief slowly ebbing away.

"She's really pissed right now because I made a comment about her being too sensitive." Stan said, shrugging his shoulders. "I'll be lucky if she doesn't bite my head off when I give her the tampons."

"I say we leave her hanging." Kyle said, sniffing disdainfully. "If she's going to be acting like that."

"Dude…" Stan started, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Just, don't start right now, okay? I have enough to deal with already."

Kenny held out his hand. "Maybe she'll talk to me. Please Stan, let me try?"

Stan handed his phone over, shaking his head the whole time. "Just don't blame me when she bursts your eardrum."

"She can't be that bad." Kenny said. He went to Stan's speed dial and clicked on Wendy's name (interestingly enough, number two on the list, after Kyle) and waited as it dialed her. It rang twice before Wendy picked up.

"Hey Wendy, it's—" He managed to say before she exploded.

"I don't want to hear your apologies Stan! Get me those tampons NOW!" She yelled, and just as abruptly hung up on him.

Kenny stood there, blinking at the phone in his hand with wide eyes. "Dude."

Stan shrugged. "Told you."

"If Karen ends up like that, I'm going to have to kill myself." Kenny said, handing the phone back. _Every single month_, he added to himself.

"I'm sure she won't get that bad." Stan said, but he didn't sound at all reassuring.

Kenny sighed. "Now how am I supposed to find out about this stuff for Karen now? Wendy was the only person I can think of that could help me."

"I think I can help you out, Ken."

The three of them turned to see Butters, walking up to them with his usual perky smile on his face. He waved cheerfully at them. "Hey fellas!"

"Hey Butters." Stan and Kyle chorused.

"Do you really know how to help me?" Kenny asked, forgetting his manners and jumping straight into the information gathering. It was like a ray of hope had suddenly shined down on him.

Butters nodded. "I'm here to get some tampons for Bebe, and I overheard your conversation. Sorry about that." He added, looking sheepish.

Kenny waved away his apology. "It's fine, don't worry about that. What can you tell me about tampons?"

"Well, if you're going to buy something for your little sister, you shouldn't get her those just yet." Butters said. He pointed to the other items on the shelves behind them. "She should start off on pads. Bebe did, and when I started buying them for her, she said that Maxi pads are the best."

Kenny grabbed one off the shelf, examining the price. "They look kind of expensive."

"You don't have to get that exact brand, of course." Butters said, smiling. "Any will do, I'm sure."

Kenny shook his head. "No, I'll get her these. I have to get the best for my little sister."

"That's very sweet of you Kenny." Butters said. He turned to Stan next. "Bebe also told me that when Wendy's particularly moody, she likes cheesecake and a sappy romantic movie."

"Yeah?" Stan asked, raising an eyebrow.

Butters nodded. "I'm headed to the movie store and renting something for Bebe next. If you want, I can find you something too, and you can take it to Wendy."

"You're a lifesaver, Butters." Stan said, grinning at him.

"Yeah, thanks a lot." Kyle muttered under his breath, his expression turning more sour than before.

"No problem!" Butters said, oblivious to the waves of anger radiating from the redhead.

Kenny fished around his pocket for some cash. He only had six dollars on him, and the pads were six ninety-nine. "Fuck." He muttered. "Stan, can you give me a dollar? I'm a little short."

Stan pulled out his wallet and gave him two. "Here, you don't have to pay me back."

"Thanks." He said, grateful for the money. Normally, he would have insisted to pay him back, but he didn't have the time to care right now.

Butters grabbed a box of tampons off the shelf, as did Stan. Butters seemed to think for a bit and grabbed a smaller box that Kenny didn't pay much attention to. "Well, let's go pay up, fellas!"

Without really deciding, Stan when first, followed by Butters and then Kenny. The cashier clerk gave them all strange looks, not that Kenny cared. It must have been quite a sight though, four teenage boys coming into his store buying tampons and pads. Especially since Butters kept chattering happily like this whole situation was a regular occurrence. Though for him, it probably was.

Since the video store was in the opposite direction of his house, Kenny wouldn't be walking with the other guys. Once the four of them walked out of the store, he waved goodbye and started off in the direction of his house.

"Kenny, wait!" Butters exclaimed, grabbing on to his sleeve to keep him from moving. He held the little box he'd picked up earlier out to him. "Here, take this with you."

Kenny looked down at it, confused. "What is it?"

He smiled. "They'll help Karen with any cramps she has. Bebe says that cramps are the worst part of her period, so I figured I'd help your sister out that way."

"Oh." Kenny said, taking it. He was torn between feeling grateful and feeling like he owed him for the kind gesture. "You didn't have to buy this for me, you know."

"I know. I just wanted to help you out a little." Butters said, smiling cheerfully.

"Butters, are you helping me pick out a movie or not?" Stan called, already a few stores down.

"I sure am!" He called back. He waved goodbye to Kenny and ran after Stan and Kyle. "Wait up, fellas!"

Kenny watched them go into the video store before turning to walk home. He decided to settle on feeling grateful. He could worry about paying Butters back later. Right now, he really needed to get back home.

/

"Karen? I'm back." He called out as he entered the house. He could hear the water still running, so he figured that she was still in the shower.

He went to the door and knocked softly. "Hey, Karen?"

"Kenny is that you?" She asked. He heard her shutting off the water, and she didn't seem to be doing it urgently.

"Yeah, it's me." He said, relieved that he hadn't spent an absurd amount of time at the drug store.

Karen opened the door, her towel wrapped securely around her. "What did you find out?"

He showed her the items he'd gotten from the drug store. "I was told that these would be better for you than tampons. And that these would help with your stomach pains."

Karen took both of them from his hands, examining them carefully. "What does 'with wings' mean? And are these pills? I don't want to do drugs, Kenny."

"I have no idea what wings are, but those aren't drugs. I think." He took the little box and read through it. "No, see? It's made special for when girls have their periods."

She didn't look too sure, but she took it back. "Okay. How do these work?" She asked, motioning to the pads.

"It says on the side, doesn't it?" He asked. He was exhausted, being outside of his comfort zone for so long. But he wasn't about to leave her to this all by herself until she dismissed him.

She looked and nodded. "I have to do this next part by myself."

He nearly sighed in relief, but he didn't let it show on his face. "Alright, I'll be in the living room."

As he was walking over there, it occurred to him that he'd never thanked Butters for all the help he'd given him. He took a detour into his room and (using his ancient cell phone) sent Butters a thank-you text. It wasn't much, he knew, but he could always thank him in person at school later.

All he wanted to do now was sit down and wait for his mom to come home.

/

An few hours later, Carol McCormick came home and found her children sitting in front of the old tv, watching an old rerun of 'I Love Lucy' together. It wasn't exactly a strange sight, she'd come home to much worse, but the way they were sitting (Karen was clutching a pillow and looked very uncomfortable while Kenny seemed to almost hover over her for some reason) made her suspicions rise. She cleared her throat, getting their attention easily.

"Mom!" Kenny cried, running up to her and wrapping her arms around her. "Thank god! Today sucked and I'm so glad that you're finally home!"

She looked up from her son's head to give a questioning look at her daughter. "What's with him?"

Karen clutched at the pillow she was holding a little harder, her expression nervous. "I got my period today."

"Oh." Carol's eyes widened. She looked down at her son, still hugging her, and bit back a smile. "And you had to handle it all by yourself?"

He nodded into her collarbone. "It was awful. More than I could handle."

She looked at Karen, who had gone back to looking at the grainy tv. She didn't look too traumatized. "You seemed to handle it just fine, Kenny."

"Yeah?" He finally let her go. "Well I still want you to take care of her next time."

She ran her hand through his shaggy blond hair and smiled. "Okay, you don't have to worry about that no more."

"Mom?" Karen asked. She didn't move to get up, so Carol went over to her.

"What is it, dear?" She asked, kneeling down in front of her.

Karen lowered her voice so that Kenny couldn't hear. "Is it okay that I took a couple of the pills that Kenny gave me?"

"He did what?!" She asked, looking up at Kenny with a glare. Maybe he hadn't handled it the right way…?

"If it's about the pills, it was just Midol!" Kenny exclaimed, holding his hands up defensively.

"Oh thank god." Carol mumbled to herself, relieved. To Karen, she nodded. "It's okay. If I could afford it, I would take them all the time."

Karen smiled. "Okay."

"If this whole ordeal is over, can I go back to bed?" Kenny asked. He didn't bother to wait for an answer, walking away to his bedroom and closing the door behind him.

Carol grinned. Typical male. "I think he deserves a nap, don't you think Karen?"

She nodded. "He was running around all day helping me."

"You deserve one too." Carol said. She sat down next to her daughter and let Karen lean against her while she stroked her hair. It wasn't long before Karen was lightly snoring beside her. She could even hear Kenny's snores from his room. Good, they both needed some rest after the stressful day she was sure they had. She let her eyes close too. It wasn't often that it was this quiet in the house, and she was taking advantage of that.


End file.
